


Wish somebody would tell me what he said

by UMsArchive



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: It kinda hurts, M/M, Song Inspired, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 03:24:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9473264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UMsArchive/pseuds/UMsArchive
Summary: He couldn’t remember who had opened that cursed discussion. He couldn’t remember how it had ended up in that point. But he remembered very well the exchange of words that, in Yuri’s mind, had sealed their fate. His fate. His side of their fate.[this is all the author's of 'Hashtags' fault]





	

  Yuri wanted to get out of here. Now. He wanted to not have to watch this. But his eyes were glued against his will. In that direction. Watching them. And he knew, were he to leave, he would still see it anywhere he’d look. If he were to try to close his eyes, at least, it would still be glued in the back of his mind. It would haunt him. It was going to haunt him nonetheless. Hell knew for how long. Hell knew if not ever.

 

  But he couldn’t stop watching  _ him _ . So relaxed. So happy. So beautiful. This year’s Olympic gold medalist. Kazakhstan’s joy and pride. A history maker. His best friend. A dream of many. A dream of Yuri. A nightmare of Yuri.

 

 She kissed his cheek, as they swirled one last time, to the song’s end. Yuri gripped his champagne flute so tightly, he was afraid he’d break it. He breathed in, unclenched his teeth. He had to. He didn’t want anyone to see. He didn’t want him to see. He didn’t want her to see, either.

 

 Otabek looked in his direction. Yuri forced a smile. Raised his still full glass in a toast to him. Otabek may have taken it as an invitation to approach him. But it was the last thing Yuri wanted. He saw him leaning in to Mila, whispering something. Yuri gulped in contempt. Then Otabek left her with a gentle stroke of her arm - Yuri almost screamed. He headed towards Yuri - Yuri braced himself.

 

 He looked stunning and stylish, as Otabek always did, without giving the impression of being pretentious. He wa, in fact, simple and humble, Yuri knew. And patient. And supportive. And one of the greatest people Yuri knew. And it didn’t go unobserved by others, either - Yuri’s pride and demise. 

 

He had seen Mila flirting with him tirelessly. And he had felt annoyed, but not threatened. Otabek had seemed, if not dismissive, at least indifferent. It had went on for months - a year, or so.

 

He couldn’t remember who had opened that cursed discussion. He couldn’t remember how it had ended up in that point. But he remembered very well the exchange of words that, in Yuri’s mind, had sealed their fate. His fate. His side of their fate.

 

“Would you mind it? If I went on a date with your rinkmate?” Otabek had asked. And Yuri had been unable or unaware or inattentive at the time, but he simply failed to remember, no matter how hard he tried, what had been in Otabek’s tone or expression at the time.

 

“You can do what you want,” Yuri had shrugged.

 

But what Yuri had wanted was for Otabek to say he wouldn’t in fact even want to go on that date. Not that very night. Not when Yuri had supposed they would hang out together instead - although no plans had been made or broken; Yuri had just taken that as a given. 

 

“Are you sulking ‘cause I snatched that gold for you?” Otabek asked when he reached him. His eyes were sparkling. His smile was almost causing him pain.

 

“Of course not, idiot. I’m proud of you. If it would’ve been anyone else, I would’ve killed them before they walked up on that podium, though.”

“Then I’m glad I won, if only to save you from prison time.”

 

_ I’m already caged _ , Yuri’s insides screamed, but what he said instead was, “Are you going back to Almaty right away?”

 

“Oh, quite soon, yes. Surprisingly, I managed to truly catch some attention, finally. My coach received some important calls right after the press conference. Things may turn out quite well for me,” he replied excitedly. Yuri had never heard him like that - he was glowing.

 

Yuri’s following smile was genuine. “Those fuckers better finally treat you right.”

 

Otabek smiled wider. Yuri’s heart broke.

 

“You know,” Otabek scanned the dance rink. Yuri guessed with a sinking feeling that he was looking for Mila - that was all the time Yuri could steal. “Let’s dance,” Otabek looked back at Yuri again.

 

Yuri paralyzed on the spot.

 

“We haven’t danced together since last year’s Grand Prix banquet,” he went on, unaware of Yuri’s chilling sensation.

 

“And I’m as an unskilled of a dancer as I was back then,” Yuri swallowed, his voice dry, managing the smallest of smiles. 

 

“As am I. We’ll always make a great pair at that,” Otabek countered, already stretching his hand for Yuri’s. 

 

_ At that _ , Yuri’s thoughts repeated the ongoing echo, as he stretched his hand eventually, ignoring the buzzing electricity from their fingers’ first touch.

 

Otabek led - or dragged - him between the dancing pairs and to a wider spot, as a new song’s intro began. 

 

_ Te amo, te amo _

_ she says to me _

_ I hear the pain in her voice... _

 

Yuri staggered. But Otabek didn’t seem to notice, raising their intertwined hands to one side, taking hold of his waist from the other. They started pacing, somewhat to the rhythm.

 

_ then we danced underneath the candelabra _

_ she takes the lead _

_ that's when I saw it in her eyes, it's over _

 

They paced and swirled, Yuri keeping his head leaning towards Otabek’s shoulder, the most he could do to hide his face from him, as the song went on.

 

_ Then she said te amo _

_ then she put her hand around me waist _

_ I told her no, _

 

Yuri’s heart was beating so hard, he thought he could feel the ache in his chest. His lids closed slowly. He didn’t want anyone to see the terror on his face. The truth. The agony.

 

She cried te amo

I told her I'm not gonna run away

but let me go

 

But he could feel Otabek’s presence better this way, which was somehow worse. He sensed their closeness more vividly. The arm draped around Yuri’s waist. The hand he held tightly, guiding him. His very smell. A faint cologne, the only one he’s been wearing ever since Yuri had met him. 

 

_ My soul is awry, _

_ without asking why _

_ I said te amo, _

_ wish somebody'd tell me what she said? _

 

His wished he could run.

 

_ Don't it mean I love you? _

 

He wished he could stop feeling.

 

_ Think it means I love you _

 

He wished he could die.

 

_ Te amo, te amo, _

_ She's scared to breathe _

_ I hold her hand, I got no choice _

 

Is he keeping his hand gently on Otabek’s shoulder or is he hanging by it? He doesn’t know. He feels Otabek’s hand letting go of his waist. The song isn’t over. His afraid to open his eyes to see what’s happening. 

  
  


_ Listen we can dance, _

_ but you gotta watch your hands _

 

The free hand moved and took hold of Yuri’s one, resting on Otabek’s shoulder. Yuri  _ is _ grasping it too tightly. 

 

_ because I understand _

_ that we all need love _

 

He let’s it go soft, and it’s easy for Otabek to take it away.

 

_ and I'm not afraid _

_ to feel the love  _

 

With the other, where they’re still holding on, Otabek tugs upways, then spins, and sends Yuri in a twirl.

 

_ but I don't feel that way _

 

He does it again, right away, but stops the move mid-spin, Yuri’s back held against Otabek’s chest, his strong arm encircling him, all a too momentary movement, before he’s sent sideways, as the steps go, at arm length, but at arm’s reach.

 

_ Te amo, te amo _

 

He’s pulled back, for another, slower twirl. But too soon. For Yuri, it happens all too soon.

 

_ Think it means I love you _

 

The moment the spin brings him face to face with Otabek, he’s not prepared. He’s vulnerable. He’s-

 

_ I love you _

 

Otabek’s hand falls on his waist again as the spin comes to an end, his own free hand dropping back on Otabek’s shoulder. Yuri huffs once. Otabek’s lips are parted slightly. His eyes are wide. Yuri can’t read past that. He’s afraid to.

 

_ Te amo, te amo _

 

“I thought you didn’t know how to dance,” Yuri said breathlessly, almost in a whisper.

 

“I guess it’s not the only secret between us,” he replies. His voice is dry. He can’t read his expression. They both let go simultaneously, albeit gently.

 

“Yuri opens his mouth to say something. It’s dry. He closes it again. Then he just walks away and out the place, without looking back.

  
_ Don't it mean I love you? _

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't recognize the lyrics, that was Rihanna's 'Te Amo'.


End file.
